|
||
|
● I get the impression that many dads come to this day, this gathering, ‘flinching’ and ‘cowering’- bracing themselves for the inevitable barrage of criticism and critique. Father’s Day is typically not quite as ‘sentimental’ as Mother’s Day. Your advantage is that I too am a father and am in no position to level any scathing rebukes. ● In our most honest moments, every one of us as fathers confronts our inadequacies with a sense that we could have done better; but, we’re not as bad as ________. Most of us realize that we’ll never achieve the “Ward Cleaver” status on the continuum (or the now more popular ‘iconic’ father- Cliff Huxtible), but we do hope to come in somewhere above “Homer Simpson”! ● I found that this role (father) came with a tremendous amount of ‘weight’; an extraordinary level of expectation and responsibility- much of which I was not ready for. As you held your baby, you welled with such pride at what you had done, right? But you knew that this was “out of your league”; you were in unfamiliar territory- and it would be hard for you to ask for directions! Our experiences all range from the “iconic dad” to, “He was a hard worker”, or, “He was around, but not really engaged”, or, “Well, he never hit us?!” ● We are trying to father our kids in a cultural landscape of desolation; void of ‘fatherly resources’ from which to draw. Amazingly, many of you- even amidst the void of favorable models, are committed to your kids… to being there and trying. As I thought this week about fathers and their roles, I came across Psalm 127 and I thought that it offered some fitting parallels. ● Psalm 127 is used in Jewish practice to celebrate the birth of a child. It’s also considered a wisdom Psalm; an invitation to re-evaluate your life accordingly. Let’s read it. ● Admittedly, this is a difficult Psalm for me to read: I’m not handy at all. In fact, for years I was in hopes that the ‘handy gene’ was just lying dormant, but I think it’s actually a recessive gene. My dad was kind of a ‘duct tape’ and ‘coat hanger’ kind of guy. Now, with the emergence of the plastic coat hanger, I feel as if he’s been robbed of an important tool in his arsenal. ● While some dads have these ‘NASCAR’ size toolboxes, I have always had one that many would mistake for a lunch box! (only because it is so small, not because it has “Spiderman” on it!) It was filled with tools, but usually just variations in size of (3) particular tools: flat-head screwdriver, Phillips-head screwdriver and a hammer. ● Immediately we are struck with certain images: “builder/protector”; (2) roles in which many men feel most comfortable. Also present are contrasting themes: “blessing” (the life that works; the way life was meant to be) and “vanity” (the emptiness you feel as a result of working so hard for it and not achieving it). ● The image of ‘building a house’ would have a couple of significant connotations attached: First, that of the comparison of the ‘big house’ on the hill… the Temple. It was the place where heaven and earth intersected; the place where you were to be reminded that life is bigger than all of your own efforts at making life work for you! The text seems to raise questions which underscore what we’re really after… ~ “What will come of all my efforts?” We’re all looking for reward; a return on our investments. ~ “When will my life’s projects start working for me?” There’s a real sense that that’s what we’re hoping for; a sense that what we give ourselves to is what will provide the kind of life that we are looking for. ~ “How can I find security? When do I get to rest?” [vocationally, relationally, etc.] No one likes to live in ‘limbo’; without a sense of being ‘settled’ (insecurity). “Unless the Lord builds the house…” It seems to be a metaphor for the life that we are attempting to construct and the potential of “doing life without God”. The idea is that unless what we are giving ourselves to is at the very center of God’s heart and passions (that’s why it’s a ‘wisdom’ Psalm), we spend a great deal of time attempting to get God to validate our work instead of discovering what he’s about and joining him. And being a ‘good father’ is really important to God! We have a tendency to get in this mode with God where he becomes a kind of ‘silent partner’ in all that we attempt; we’ve got visions and plans and we’re looking for someone to be a ‘backer’- to come in and help make my dream a reality. It might be described as ‘giving yourself to yourself’. “the builders labor in vain…”- (‘vanity’- literally, ‘emptiness, deception, worthlessness’). I’m not sure that, for a man, there’s anything more frustrating than to feel that your all of your efforts have been wasted; no sense of accomplishment. The frustration of “dawn to dusk” efforts and nothing but anxiety and restlessness to fill the gap… how ‘hollow’ all that seems. “unless the Lord watches over the city…” There’s a sense that whatever you are trying to build or accomplish with your life will meet with resistance; that adversity is inevitable! ● The anxiety involved as you realize that so much of what you’ve worked so hard for can be so quickly threatened; how ‘out of your control’ much of life really is. “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him…” Proverbs 17:21 says that sometimes a rebellious child doesn’t seem much like a reward/gift. In fact, it can be painful. ● Father’s day is hard because you know you’re obligated to send them something; something difficult like the dreaded Father’s Day card. Hallmark just doesn’t seem to capture the sentiment! Their sentiments are not quite as angry or indifferent as you’re looking to express. Knowing that you could never really say to your father what you wanted to; knowing that you could not possibly express the depth of hurt, you settle for something safe… something that rhymes! “like arrows…” The imagery is of a warrior who can have an impact on those things at a distance without having to go there himself. Our availability and the course of our life is what provides the ‘aim’ (how we shoot them). When you see these children as ‘gifts’- rewards from God- you see yourselves as not just trying to fulfill your needs and satisfy your ambitions, but launching kids into God’s future for them. ‘Blessed is the man whose quiver is full…’ The city gate was the place of decisions; where judgments were made. It’s picture of children eager to demonstrate their loving-support and attest to the integrity of their fathers. They are there to help you contend with life! Reflections… ►Live your life before God before them. Live authentically. Not with a sense that, “This is just who I am”, but with a sense that you struggle too! Be open about the fact that there are areas of your life that are still broken and in need of restoration. ►Make sure your faith is ‘reproducible’. Your children are not you! In order to be reproducible, it must be transferable- applicable for another; another place. Our children will evaluate our lives and determine what of our faith is worth perpetuating. ►Try being a ‘stay-at-home’ dad. When you’re home… be home! (available) Otherwise, you become like the ‘white living room’- it’s always there, but nobody’s allowed in. Working early morning until late at night leaves little time for what really matters. ►Say it. “What would you have liked to have heard your dad say to you?” Say it to your children! Is it, “I’m sorry”; “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”, “You can do it!” Interestingly, what we constantly hear spoken (reinforced) about us we will eventually accept as reality. ►Create an environment where your kids can become who God created them to be, not who you want them to be. What I want is to assist God in ensuring that his dreams for my kids come true and not my own. “Who are they, God? (question we often ask!) Who have you created them to be? How can I nurture that?” Honestly, because we’re often not comfortable with the role, we concentrate on what we do best… fixing things. So, we go to our toolbox in hopes that what we have will do the job; that your efforts will ensure success (they’ll love God, be productive-contributing members of society, gainfully employed, sharing your love for the Mud Hens!)… but, there are no guarantees. That fills us with all kinds of insecurities; no foreseeable finish- no guaranteed completion. ►It’s not too late [to become the dad you intended to be]. Most of us saw life going differently than this! “… mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22).Confronting those issues and coming clean with your kids helps to ensure that you’re not creating room for more future regret; you can help to create a different future. ● At the risk of sounding melancholy or morbid, it’s become apparent that we have one shot at life. Whatever we give ourselves to significantly impacts the course of, not only of our own life, but of at least a few significant others. ● Few of us planned well enough to have amassed an impressive portfolio we will leave for our kids; but, we will all leave, and when we do, we will leave something of ourselves with those who remain. We call that something our “legacy”. Interestingly, you don’t even have to be around to leave a legacy (that’s your legacy!) It’s not “inheritance”, because with inheritance not everyone gets something; with a “legacy”, each child is sure to get something!
● Jesus came to introduce us to his Father. He
wanted you to imagine life as if you were a child being loved by this Father. He
wanted to ensure that no void or absence would cause you to miss being
“fathered”! |
