Forgotten Memories

Memorial Weekend

5-24-09

● I come to these occasions fully aware of the wide range of opinions and passionate convictions held by individuals anytime we’re gathered in a group of this size.

● My father served in the U.S. Army in WWII; he was stationed in Okinawa. He spoke very seldom about his experiences, except on those occasions when something triggered a memory and he would offer a brief rehearsal of some solemn events.

            I guess what I appreciated most was that on those rare occasions, when he did feel compelled to share, it was usually with a solemn tone, a tear in his eye and a crack in his voice; with a clear sense that ‘collateral damage’ was not an acceptable way to identify a human being; that although he somehow felt it necessary, it was nonetheless tragic.

● I am always most conflicted on days like this, because there’s a gratitude for the freedom I experience and the high cost paid by many to secure it, and, there’s a sense of personal grief at the reality of armed conflict. I guess it makes me long for something better.

~Profound theological truth (?): God tells us to remember because we have a tendency to forget.

I’m convinced that one of the most detrimental tendencies of our journey is the failure to remember. In fact, the Bible seems almost ‘insistent’ when it comes to remembering.

● When it comes to God, remembering seems more a conscious act of the will than the random nature of most memories. It’s remembering on purpose.

“Rehearsal” is what keeps us remembering; constantly being immersed in the story. For me, it requires a daily ‘reorientation’, an intentionality about my ‘recollection’.

It’s what our weekly collective gatherings are about. We are reminded, “This is our God, this is what he has done, this is what he will do”.

● But, isn’t it interesting that “the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech…” (Psalm 19:1), yet we fail to remember him?

“The heavens are yours, and yours also the earth; you founded the world and all that is in it”--- and yet we need ‘Post-it’ notes to prevent us from forgetting him?

● It’s what astounds me about God: his vulnerability and relentless pursuit of a people who ‘refuse to return his calls’.

● But, we discover that our intentionality leads to the delight of the one being remembered (like a friends b-day: “You remembered!’)

Our faith possesses those as well, including the Eucharist (bread and cup). It brings delight to Jesus as during our celebration we can almost hear him say to our hearts, “You remembered!”

● The most counter-productive form of remembering is “nostalgia”. It keeps us forever irrelevant; it keeps us bound to the past. It offers no life for the present and no vision for the future [i.e. it’s what keeps these 60 year-old-rockers performing in ‘spandex’].

● “Restorative remembering” is where we are able to re-visit the past in a way that helps us make sense of our current experience as well as giving hopeful direction to our future.

 ~At the very core of our faith--- our story, is a God who is not content with fractured relationships and who knows nothing of irreconcilable differences.

In fact, our God is a “reconciler”--- 2 Corinthians 5

“…anyone who belongs to Christ is a new creation. The old life has gone, the new life has begun. All this is a gift from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting men’s sins against them.”

“reconcile” (def): ‘to change, exchange, to return to favor those with whom we are in conflict, to receive one with favor’

 ~In a very real sense, the “past is gone”, but it’s not “done”.

We’re always remembering something, no matter how hard we try. It’s unavoidable: a lyric from a song, a landmark, a smell, a sound and suddenly we are transported to that time and place all over again. Those memories still seem to evoke the same responses, the same emotions.

 ~So, in the process of learning to forget (un-remembering), we experience a great deal of remembering.

            Genesis 41:51 “God has made me forget all my troubles …” How could he forget when his son was a constant reminder? Manasseh sounds like the Hebrew for “causing to forget”.

            It wasn’t that God stripped him of his memories, it was that what he was now experiencing of God in the present was not worth remembering in comparison to his painful past.

Manasseh’s very presence was a constant reminder of all that was worth forgetting and, in the process of remembering and forgetting, Joseph found the grace to be the reconciler and experience the joy of relationships restored.

 ~This un-remembering is the pinnacle of the restorative process.

            “I’ll forgive you, but I’ll never forget!” We make lists to prevent us from forgetting. We attach an indelible stigma on the offender, so that they are free ‘of’ their sin, but not really free ‘from’ it.

As we continue to remember the past offense, even beyond repentance, it not only diminishes past love shared, it prevents future reconciliation. By forgetting (un-remembering), we remove the obstacle and make room for restoration.

 ~This “forgetting” (of another human being) is fully-developed indifference [“forget: ‘ignore’, ‘cease to care’, ‘neglect’ ].

I’m convinced that to feel such indifference toward another human being that they ‘no longer come to mind’, that you actually ‘cease to care’, is an even worse condition than dealing with the painful emotions of past hurts.

            This is where we have so much to learn from God: he is not content with partial-reconciliation; with relationships which may eventually offer forgiveness, but remain indifferent to the plight of the individual.

 ~Ultimately, when it comes to suffering, forgetting is better than remembering because wholeness is better than brokenness; the experience of love--- even incomplete and fragmented is better than the pain of separation.

Romans 8:18 “I consider the present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that is about to be revealed in us”.

            Simple, yet profound logic: suffering (both inflicted upon us and by us) vs. glory? There’s no comparison.

 ~But, how long should we remember? Maybe just long enough to name the offense and feel the pain so that we might extend forgiveness.

            Restoration takes place when wrongs are forgotten (un-remembered); wrongs can only be forgotten as forgiveness is offered; forgiveness can only take place when wrongs against us are first named as ‘wrong’.

 Jeremiah 31:34 “I will forgive their wickedness and never again remember their sins” (“remember”--- ‘mention’, ‘record’, ‘preserve’)

 ~The cross (atonement) is the ultimate paradox: the place where we go to remember--- the place where we go to forget.

            God’s powerful memory of relationship ‘lost’ includes the capacity to un-remember; to not attach to us the stigma of our own sin, but clothe us in his love.

It’s what makes great forgiveness always more memorable than great offense.

 ~Can this (non-remembering) really be restorative?

            This is what makes forgiveness so extraordinary. It names the offense, experiences the pain of wrongs committed, absorbs the penalty of the offense upon itself, then, in one final act of restoration, it “un-remembers” the wrongs committed.

 ● When it comes to this understanding of an all-knowing God and discussion about his capacity for forgetting, especially as it relates to me sin, I simply conclude with the prophet Isaiah that he will be called “wonderful”… beyond comprehension.

 ~Ours, then, is a call is to ‘serve reconciliation’… a posture of radically altering relationships: of exchanging the anger and resentment for forgiveness and un-remembering; to now receive or embrace those who were once kept at a distance.

 ~There’s actually a memory more powerful than offense.

            Isaiah 49:15-16 “You say, ‘The Lord has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us’ (ceased to care). Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would never forget you!”

 “Unforgettable, that’s what you are…” Nat King Cole stole that from God!

 ● In the journey, we are reminded of all that still separates; of all that still keeps us distanced and disconnected from one another; all that divides humanity.

All this is overwhelmed by the belief that God “delights” in us; that he remember us; that he would never forget us.