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Text: Romans 12:17-21 Review: In a world where the potential for pain and interpersonal conflict was so prevalent, Jesus knew that we needed a new way of “being with” each other. * Mercy isn’t just a good idea, but an essential quality for life. Jesus said that forgiveness is the atmosphere of the kingdom.
The passage we are about to consider is framed within the context of (2) very important heart postures: 1. Our reasonable response to God’s unreasonable love (12:1). 2. Grace which demands honest self-evaluation (12:3). Reflections on Romans 12:17-21 ► You owe it to them! (“Do not repay anyone evil for evil”.) Our commitment to retaliation only promotes continued disorder (evil). The only debt that you are required to fulfill is to “love one another” (Romans 13:8). You’re no longer obligated to allow bitterness to poison your soul; you’re no longer obligated to continue to rehearse all the pain others have caused or expend so much mental energy dreaming of ways to “pay them back”. You’re simply free to love! (just think of how much more “free time” you’re going to have?!) * In many instances, the best approach to relational conflict is to ask yourself, “Is it really that big of a deal?” Proverbs 19:11 “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs”. Proverbs 20:3 “Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling”. Proverbs17:9 “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends”. 1 Peter 4:8 “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins”. * It is possible that confrontation will become necessary. But, don’t be too eager! If the other person’s actions has caused/is causing significant damage to the relationship and you realize you are experiencing a more than temporary change in your emotions and conduct… confrontation may be necessary. ► Don’t expect to forget, just refuse to remember! Forgiveness is not about forgetting the ways in which you another’s actions have caused you pain. Neither does forgiveness involve making excuses for the offending party. In fact, it’s just the opposite. It indicates that we were wronged, therefore, forgiveness is necessary. Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more”. * Forgetting comes naturally… remembering no more is a refusal to continue to rehearse past wrongs; to continue to use the wrong as “leverage”. “If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things that you have forgotten about. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone else did; your memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped. Remembering is your storage of pain. It’s why you need to be healed in the first place”. Lewis Smedes * Interestingly, something often happens as we remember no more… the painful memories of our past begin to fade. The stain may remain, but it becomes less noticeable. ► Somebody’s watching! (“Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody”.) Remember last week we determined that forgiveness is a “remarkable” way to live; it gets people’s attention. ► Don’t wait for the good feeling. Be ready to start choosing what’s right, not what feel’s right. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a conscious decision to act toward another on the basis of God’s response toward me. The good feelings come only as we see ourselves responding in healthy, God-honoring ways. Our conscience affirms the quality of our actions. 2 Corinthians 1:12 “Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God”. (Romans 9:1; Hebrews 13:18) * Also, beware of the “good feeling” in the midst of wrong behavior: If you have good feelings in the presence of wrong actions, that’s deception! (a conscience that’s been “numbed” by repeated disobedience: 1 Timothy 4:2) ► There are no guarantees. (“If it is possible…”) Be at peace even if you can’t live in peace! Understand that there will be limits to your efforts at reconciliation. Often we imagine a much more favorable outcome to our attempts at reconciliation; things don’t often turn out as we envision them. * Part of our struggle with forgiveness is the perceived (or real) lack of remorse on the part of the offender; or, their inability to recognize the inappropriateness of their behavior (“I will if they will!”) Ideally, admission of guilt by the offending party should precede forgiveness on your part. * But, true forgiveness means that we no longer expect or demand the offender to change as a prerequisite for our decision. If so, forgiveness becomes subjective. Romans 5:8 “God demonstrated his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. * First, we offer forgiveness as God did… simply to make relationship possible. It provides the offending party with the opportunity to regain your trust (forgiveness and trust are separate issues). *Then, realize that resolution does not guarantee reconciliation (The former is about the issue itself, the latter is about the relationship). True reconciliation requires mutual-acceptance (“unity”). Unity is only possible as what’s at work in me is also at work in you! (grace) People will only respond to the level of grace that they are currently experiencing in their own lives. Romans 12:3 “measure of grace given me… measure of faith God has given you.” Think of all the transformation that’s taken place in your own life just to arrive at this point in the journey?! * A harsh, critical tone and an offensive posture is indicative of unresolved hurt and bitterness. While we should not be excusing another’s wrong behavior, neither should we ignore the pain that may be causing such behavior. ► It’s your move! (“As far as it depends on you…”) Whether you find yourselves wronged (offended) or in the wrong (offender), it’s always your responsibility. Why? Because love always goes first! It always takes the initiative; always pursues restoration (in Matthew 5, I am the “offender”; in Matthew 18, I am the “offendee”). * Even when you continue to practice forgiveness and commit to doing what’s right, peace (in terms of relational wholeness) may not be possible. ► Make room for God! (“Leave room for God’s wrath…”) Realize that they’re probably better in God’s hands than ours! * Allow room for the possibility of God’s shaping work in you and toward others through your response. ► Get aggressive! (“If your enemy is hungry, feed him…”) Love aggressively. Making peace is not a passive process; it requires loving (which is by definition, persistent- never quits) despite other’s actions.
Luke 6:27 “Do good to those who hate you…” ► Just do it! (“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”) Most recognizable as the “Nike” motto. * Interestingly, the word overcome is the Greek word “nike”; it means “victory”. Often our willingness to respond within the kingdom atmosphere of forgiveness will soften the heart of the offender and diminish the power of resistance. * Love will eventually “wear them down”! * Today, someone needs what only you can give: forgiveness. Joseph’s (story found in Genesis 37-50) single decision to forgive preserved an entire family and allowed one old man to die in peace! Genesis 50:20
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it
for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”. |
